if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
