I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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