please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he was CRYING into my vagina
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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