Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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