the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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