Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
