I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
