Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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