ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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