Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
