Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
