I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
