I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
