Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My penis needs a shock collar
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
