Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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