The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
