Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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