Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm sobbing to NWA
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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