We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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