i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize