explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
