I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
