If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
