I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
