You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
