then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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