My room smells like vodka and shame
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
