I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
