She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
