things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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