He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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