I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
