Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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