Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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