I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
