have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
