he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
