Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
