thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
