But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
