We should be called the Road Head Warriors
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
