There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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