I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
