I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
