Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
