Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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