Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
