WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
