I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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