A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
