Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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