I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Randomize
