I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
