Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
