I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
