he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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