what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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