is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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