do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
