But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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