This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
