apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
