dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
