I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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