they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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