I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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