Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
