last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
