I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
