Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
