Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize