in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
