At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
