He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
