I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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