Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
