I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
