Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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