Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
