i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
