it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
