Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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