my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize