We won't sleep together?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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