i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
