We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
