It's Friday. Sex?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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