I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
