all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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