So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
