This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
