Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
