my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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