Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
