My liver just broke up with me...
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
