I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize