He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
